Border War by Lou Dobbs and James O. Born

Published by Forge Books on May 6, 2014

A central character in Lou Dobbs' novel is Ted Dempsey, the "most popular commentator" on a news network. Dempsey, who has the "best sources" in new broadcasting, prides himself on educating Americans about illegal immigration and porous borders. He annoys politicians because his commentary is unassailably correct and urgently important. Gosh, I wonder who Lou Dobbs had in mind when he fashioned Ted Dempsey?

Of course, nearly all Americans love Dempsey because they realize his few detractors are wrongheaded dimwits who are unfairly criticizing a brilliant and patriotic American. While other news commentators are "empty suits," Dempsey is a well-educated man of "substance" who always make his points "clearly and rationally." He is, we are told, one of the Americans who "make this country great." The novel's other characters -- even the Mexican drug lords -- talk about the "larger than life" Dempsey constantly. Dobbs' use of this novel to engage in unabashed ego-stroking is relentless.

Border War begins with a conversation between FBI Agent Tom Erickson and Customs (ICE) Agent John Houghton. They know each other well but they nevertheless tell each other all about their job histories and educational backgrounds. Houghton also announces that he is black, something Erickson had probably noticed. They even tell each other what they're doing together on the border near El Paso. All of this is for the reader's benefit but since the friends are telling each other things they already know, none of it sounds natural. It's a writing technique that signals a lack of sophistication. The rest of the novel is equally amateurish.

The "dapper" Dempsey shows up in Texas so he can lecture characters about his favorite issues while reminding them that he is a responsible and well-connected journalist. Of course, everyone in Texas wants his autograph and he is "unfailingly polite and pleasant" to common people, but he's happiest when he is talking to "another Harvard man." Dobbs makes sure we know that Dempsey is a regular guy who happens to make a ton of money but he's also generous and giving (he rents a limo for his producer on his producer's last day) because that's just the kind of wonderful man he is.

Every few chapters, Dobbs takes a break from praising his fictionalized self so that he can provide the reader with a stern lecture about his favorite topics. Whether you agree or disagree with his political point of view (I'm indifferent to it), pontification doesn't make for good story-telling.

On occasion (but not often enough), Dobbs stops talking about himself long enough to advance the meager plot, although for the first two-thirds of the novel the random collection of shootings and border crossings does not deserve to be called a plot. Part of the story involves the attempt by various parties to capture a computer geek who hardly seems worth the effort. The last third of the novel focuses on a drug cartel's laughable attempt to assassinate someone. The contrived scenario leads to a preposterous "surprise" that is no surprise because it is so consistent with the rest of the novel. I could forgive the lack of credibility if it made the story interesting, but the assassin is such a bumbling fool that the final plot thread adds another layer of boredom to a dull story. I cannot forgive Dobbs' constant infusion of self-love into a novel that is apparently intended only to glorify Dobbs.

NOT RECOMMENDED