The Paradise Prophecy by Robert Browne

Published by Dutton on July 21, 2011

The Paradise Prophecy might have been called Angels & Demons if Dan Brown hadn’t already used that title.  In this corner we have the demons (or dark angels), with Belial orchestrating the fight for Team Lucifer; her teammates include Beelzebub (in the guise of an LA club owner), Moloch and Mamman.  In the opposite corner we have Belial’s brother Michael (a fallen angel who isn’t dark) and a couple of humans:  an historian aptly named “Batty” LaLaurie and superspy Bernadette Callahan who works for a secret government agency known only as Section.  Both sides are seeking a powerful weapon called the Telum that God has hidden, apparently for His own amusement.  If the demons acquire the Telum first, they will be in a position to implement their plan for Final Conquest (sounds like a video game, doesn’t it?).

Unfortunately, Robert Browne is no Dan Brown (and I say that as someone who isn't a particular fan of Dan Brown).  Perhaps fantasy fans looking for a predictable story of good vs. evil will enjoy The Paradise Prophecy.  Although the novel appears to be well researched, it disappointed me on several fronts.  Let me break down the novel’s problems as briefly as I can. 

The plot:  The Paradise Prophecy draws on the legend surrounding the Codex Gigas (also known as the Devil’s bible).  Seven pages are missing from the manuscript -- pages that will change the universe forever (or so Galileo tells Milton in the prologue).  An attempt to link Milton’s original manuscript of Paradise Lost to the Codex Gigas gets buried in the surrounding muddle.  Initially it seems as if the story will focus on a Brazilian superstar who sings Christian pop but she disappears in a ball of fire while lighting her crack pipe.  At another point it appears that the demons who are buying enriched uranium from a Russian might be important (we never learn how the Russian manages to acquire enriched uranium) but that plot thread gets lost until a nuclear bomb explodes in one of the final chapters (we never learn how the demons manage to construct the bomb).  The Telum should be central to the story but, despite occasional mentions, the Telum remains backstage until the novel is nearing its end.  Michael makes an early appearance but rather than setting up an epic battle between Michael and Belial, Michael too is absent for most of the story.  So what’s left?  A lot of chit-chat between Batty and Bernadette and a fair amount of mindless action that substitutes for a cohesive plot.

The characters:  One might think that demons with supernatural powers controlling scores of unnaturally strong drudges and shape-shifting sycophants would not be quite as inept as the ones that populate this novel.  In fact, one might think that a demonically possessed sycophant wouldn’t be so easily defeated in a beat-down inflicted by a diminutive superspy, even one who “knows twenty ways to kill someone with one hand.”  Even worse, we’re supposed to believe that Belial, a demon who can catch bullets in her hands, is vulnerable to Callahan’s “flying tackle straight to Belial’s gut.”  Sadly, the human characters are just as unbelievable as the demons.  Batty is recruited to help Callahan because he’s an expert on Milton, but oh happy coincidence!  He’s also gifted with The Vision, a psychic power that is sort of like demon radar.  At least Batty likes to get drunk and praise Eve for eating the apple, giving him a hint of personality.  Superspy Callahan, despite being a female cross between James Bond and Jason Bourne, has no personality at all.

The writing:  An overreliance on cliché (e.g., “good riddance to bad rubbage”), excessive wordiness, and clumsy dialog (do modern superspies really say “Look buster”?) are among the novel’s stylistic problems.  Attempts at witty banter fall flat.  The momentum dies on too many occasions as Browne explains background facts.  The story too often descends into melodrama; the relationship between Batty, a demon, and Batty’s deceased wife had me rolling my eyes.  There are a couple of sex scenes that seem designed to titillate adolescent readers.  Above all, Browne’s writing style lacks polish; it often seems amateurish.

To be fair, the story, while poorly executed, has some modest entertainment value.  It isn’t entirely awful.  Still, because of the unfocused plot and mediocre writing, I can’t recommend it.

NOT RECOMMENDED